Where it all began

I first reached out and started receiving professional help for my mental health back in high school. I saw a counselor regularly. I got to where I needed a little extra help than just the therapy, got on and started psychiatric meds, and also got formally diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. In the fall of 2021, I had my first inpatient psychiatric stay in the hospital. I have been in and out of different facilities and programs since. I spent the majority of 2022 in inpatient treatment. I spent mid-February to the end of June in three separate facilities. Mid-October I found myself in a place that I needed to get the extra help and go back inpatient somewhere, which led me coming back to San Antonio. I came to San Antonio in April to Innova Grace, where I graduated from back in June. It was the place that I had gotten the most help and made the most progress over the other places I had been. So, when I acknowledged and agreed that I needed to go inpatient somewhere again, I chose to get myself back into Innova. I went back residential, later stepped down to PHP, and I graduated the program December 23, stepping down to IOP. I made some huge progress and some big life changing decisions while back at Innova. I made the choice to stay in and move to San Antonio. Get a fresh start with a new job, new city, new atmosphere. Deciding to move six hours away from what I’ve known pretty much my entire life was not easy. I’ve had moments where I question if I’ve made the right choice or if I’m going to make it out here on my own, but there have been different things that help me know I did make a good choice and that I am going to do just fine. I’ve been doing IOP group therapy and continuing individual therapy. I’ve gotten two separate tattoos that I look at constantly as reminders and motivation to keep pushing forward. The semicolon representing struggles of mental health and how my story is not over yet. When there could have been a period put in place to end the story, there was a semicolon put instead. I’ve struggled with the thoughts of wanting to end it all and have tried to before. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s become part of my story. My story isn’t over. I have a lot of life to still live and things to accomplish. The lotus I got with a similar meaning to Innova’s logo, the Ohi a Lehua tree, and it’s meaning. The lotus flower emerges from murky water, just as the Ohi a Lehua tree grows from volcanic ash, representing beauty from ashes. The things I’ve dealt with and been through aren’t necessarily the prettiest, but I’m learning to grow from them and into something great. I’m so grateful to those who have been there and have been supportive and there for me on this journey called life. I’m grateful for all those that I’ve met in treatment and have been able to connect and grow with and learn that I am not alone or the only one with the struggles that I deal with or the things I’ve been through. It’s not been an easy journey, and it isn’t always going to be an easy road ahead, but I remind myself daily how far I’ve come and strive to become a better me each day. I look forward to the future and what I will accomplish. Along this journey, in sharing some of my different writings and poems, it has been suggested to me that I create a blog or find another way to share my creations with others, stating they believe what I write could really benefit or help someone else. So here I am. I am finally doing that. Some of the things I have written are very rough to read, some are inspiring and maybe comical. I know because I wrote them, but whether challenging or not, they have helped me make it through and get to where I am. So, I hope that maybe along this journey I can be some sort of help or inspiration to you. I would love to hear from you for feedback and suggestions, and I hope that you enjoy this site and all that I have to share.