The Un-fillable Void

Published on 14 February 2023 at 10:51

Grief is hard. I’ve off and on over the years have used journaling as a way to help me cope with my daily life stressors and things going on. I recently ventured back into writing poetry as a form of me getting out my feelings. A poem filled with thoughts dealing with my grief of losing someone who played a big role in my life growing up and thoughts towards the one who took his life. Not only did he teach me so much about the game of softball and help grow my love for the game, but he was so supportive and caring, and just a great guy whose life was taken too soon.

~

Rest In Peace Coach Waylon Hunt 12-24-2017

Photo of the dock at Woodlawn Lake in San Antonio, TX 

What was going through your head?

Why did you have a gun?

You were at a family gathering

You were all there watching a football game

So why did you bring a gun?

And why did you have it on you?

 

What did he do to make you so mad?

What made you pull that trigger?

If you weren’t so much under the influence

Would you have still done what you did?

He was so loving, caring, and kind

So why did you take his life?

 

You took so much away when you did what you did

You took away his chance to grow old with his high school sweetheart

You took away his chance to watch his girls grow up

You took away his chance to watch his youngest walk across the stage

You took away his chance to walk his daughters down the aisle

You took away his chance to meet and to spoil his grandchildren

 

Your actions left so many at a loss for words

Your actions left so many with a void unable to fill

Your actions left so many having to experience milestones without someone

Your actions left so many missing a big piece to their puzzle

Your actions left so many with questions of why

Your actions left so many to mourn during what should've been a happy holiday

 

What you did affected so many

That night so many lost their friend, loved one, coach, and mentor

What you did made so many receive the worst Christmas gift

That anyone would ever want or ask for

What you did left me without one of my biggest supporters

That didn't get to be there for some of my greatest achievements

 

I made the high school team but thanks to you

I did so without in the sidelines cheering me on

Thanks to you I struggled stepping on that field

Because he played such a big role in growing my love for the game

Thanks to you I didn't get to show him all the work had paid off

Thanks to you his wife showed up, alone, to support me in all I did

 

I'm left to mourn and grieve a tragic death of someone

Who had made such an impact on me and had so much left to live

I’m left unable to understand why you pulled that trigger

And wand what was even going through your head

I’m left with the questions and the emotions from such a great loss

And it has taken me years to even think or to try to process it

 

So here I am left with this emptiness

Here I am left without a piece of my puzzle

Here I am left to move on learning how to cope

Here I am left questioning what life would be like if he were still here

Here I am left asking what in the right mind made you do that

Here I am left asking why and learning how to deal with such a loss

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